Why Am I Still Single?

Why are you still single? When are you getting married? What are you waiting for? 

Oh, these five fateful words I so despised.

I’ve been asked these questions a thousand times already – My parents, siblings, relatives, friends, coworkers, my students, and even from a random grab driver. Just this week, I received several comments and questions from friends about my status.

Failed relationships and Fears of the Future

When I was younger, I’ve always wanted to get married and have a family.I love seeing couples getting engaged. I love attending weddings. I love seeing #relationshipgoals  #familygoals posts on social media.  I always pictured myself having a pastor for a husband and having great kids. I love kids. However, now, I wonder if marriage is in the cards for me.

I started dating in high school, I was very young then and I didn’t even know what love really means. We parted ways after high school and I haven’t dated since then. Not until I turned 25. I met this guy who I thought was the one God has for me. But I was wrong.  It lasted only a few months.

After the failed relationship, I’ve had self-doubts and fear – the fear of being alone for the rest of my life.  Those fears didn’t vanish overnight. Many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking if I would ever get married. Insecurities crept in and I felt miserable for a while.

Those were the times I missed out on God’s peace and joy because I keep on forgetting that my identity and security comes from Jesus alone – that it is only He who can truly satisfy the desires of my heart (Psalms 107: 9; Psalms 16:11). I am loved by Him and I know that He always has the best for me, whether He answers my prayers or not.

 ‘If You’re Single, You’re Alone’

Have you ever been told that ‘if you’re single, you’re alone’ or asked a really dreadful question such as ‘Who will take care of you when you get sick? You will die alone!’

My response to these questions would always be “Do I need to get married just so someone will take care of me when I get sick or when I die?” Aarrgh!

I have heard of this ‘lie’ many times already. I’m not worried, though. I have my family who loves me and a lot of friends and prayer partners who are my support systems. You know what, for most people, marriage is the best thing that has happened to them but for some, it didn’t work that way. Even for Christian couples. Sadly. Marriage doesn’t guarantee everyone happiness. So don’t pity me.

 Single and Doing Just Fine

I am 31 (edit: now 34), still single, but happy. Happy that I’m able to do things that most married people (especially with kids) cannot do anymore. There’s so much freedom in my schedule! I can slouch. I am able to go on random travels.  I can go home late at night. I can buy anything and do things I want without having to ask permission from someone. I only take care of my laundry. I am able to read a book or sleep in my bed uninterrupted. More than that, I have more time to commit myself to the church’s ministry God has entrusted me.

Yeah, okay,  I admit it sucks sometimes especially the fact that you have to put up with the constant pressure and receiving a barrage of comments such as ‘You need to find someone to share your happiness with’, or ‘Life is better when you’re married’, as if life is miserable when you’re single when it’s definitely not.

Being single feels so liberating. I don’t need constant approval and validation from anyone. Honestly, at this point in my life, I find it hard to leave the ‘comfort zone’ of being single.

Trusting God in Every Step of the Way

I once asked God why I haven’t met the right man or would I ever meet him.  I don’t have the answer yet. Many people have been praying for me up until now – my family, friends, the church, etc. I prayed for it. Yes, prayed. Past tense. The last time I remembered praying for it, it was more of an ‘If it’s your will Lord, let it be done’. My friends have told me to keep on praying and trust God’s perfect timing. Don’t get me wrong. I stopped praying not because I have given up on it but because I believe God is taking care of it. My job is to be patient and trust Him in the process. In my heart, whether I get married or not, I have peace about it. I am perfectly okay with it. I am not going to wrestle with Him.

God Knows What is Best for His Children

I love my singleness and it doesn’t bother me anymore. If I am meant to live my life single forever, then so be it.  Perhaps, being single would get me closer to God and wholeheartedly commit myself to the ministry He entrusted me to – much more than if I have my own family.

Or perhaps God is just delaying my marriage because he is still preparing me or my future husband for it.  One thing I am definitely sure of, God never withholds what is the best for His children. (Psalm 84:11). He has great things in store for my future. (Matthew 6:33, Jeremiah 29:11).